1.
Overlook what you
can when you can. Sometimes we just have to drop the cookie, let it go, get
over it and move on. It will spare us many unnecessary arguments.
2.
Build up, don’t
tear down. Nagging never works and whining is childish. Apply the golden rule:
speak to others how you want them to speak to you, with kind and encouraging
words. (And like my mom always said: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say
anything at all.)
3.
Be quick to
listen – concentrate on what the other person is saying (don’t just formulate
your rebuttal while they are talking), ask clarifying questions to show you are
listening and to make sure you understand, follow-up with a reflective
statement ("So what you are saying is…") and wait to respond (don’t interrupt).
4.
Consider time and
setting to address conflict – the best time to discuss an issue is not when
the other person is tired, upset, or preoccupied; make sure you have plenty of
time to finish the discussion, that there are no distractions and do it face to
face. In other words, schedule your fight!
5. Use wise words – go into a discussion prepared – take
notes on what you want to say (topics, feelings, solutions), be clear and
gracious, anticipate their reactions and use “I statements” ("I feel that…" NOT
"you always…").
May your relationships be filled with love and grace as you learn to communicate with love!
*Principles learned from Peacemaking for Families by Ken Sande
